Am I strong enough to "Unfriend" you?

Have been cooping myself at home since last Thursday.

Me sucha anti-social.

*I beg your forgiveness for posting such an old photo. Seriously no life.

Did my nails, a very impromptu decision and first time I would actually filed it into square nails. Seriously regretted it after 5 nails were filed. I never will understand why so many girls prefer their nails to be in square shaped. I mean it's so.. inconvenient.

*Ranting on square nails- me no life.

P/S: Would we happen to want the same thing from each other?

P/S: P/S: Things changes so often that 'guarantee' shall not be spoken. Why are we still believing something that is never guaranteed? Who knows the next second it would no longer be the same; regardless a person's character or something that you're getting..

P/S: P/S: P/S: Insecurities. Tell me, how many of you are like that? I am. I'm insecure in many things because I am nobody. I don't have a preference although I'm not a follower. I don't have something that I dislike nor hate. I can't even tell you what color I like. I am not pretty, not cute, not gentle, not able to commit, no smart, not someone with hot bods.. There are countless of good qualities that I lacked with, so where did my little confidence came from? 

Confidence Vs Insecurities

Which of them weighs much more in each of the human beings?

Myself, I wonder too.

Listen to your heart or brain?

I believe that none of my facilitator for this semester likes me. Reason? Cause I'm always late for their lessons. -.-

Y'know now I don't know what I want, periodically.
It's like 'I want this, but deep down I know I don't need it.' Just like how 'I still like him, but I know I definitely deserves better.'

So lost in life you see. Always contradicting myself and thinking way too much beyond. I really need a change and get a life.

As soon as I accept that you're gone, you're back again

Addiction is so addictive.

Never 'try' something out if you know you can never get over it.

Whatever, regardless it's drinking, clubbing, smoking, love, piercing, tattoos. Just whatever. 

There are so many things in life that maybe you believe you won't get addicted to it just by trying it out.

But! All these are just like a straight route; without turning back once you try as it leads you to a route that you can only continue and never turn around.

Oh well, just a bit ranting here and there.

Okay lor, now I shall go back into reality and continue finishing up things I've not finished. Screwed up myself totally. 

#Holidays are finally round the corner, 17 more days ya?

Countdown-ing!

But come to think of it, what can I do during the holidays? I am that kind of person who dislike having free time/day. I like my schedule to be packed regardless of work, meeting up or whatever shit. So, how can I survive this time? -.-

Treat others like how you wanna be treated

Contemplating if I should even post this shit up. But emotions have run wild again. No choice.

I'm really mad at people who gets you replaced because now they've another 'choice'.

Yes, it's true that I may not be a good employee who comes on time and bootlick every staff in the outlet. But at least I can swear upon that I do work that are in or out of my jobscope. At least I was hardworking and faithful enough to stay in that fucking outlet until now. Shouldn't you guys be contented already??

Now because you've hired more employees, you've the cheek to tell me that schedule that's late are not accepted and you cannot work for that week?! Screw your ass man, seriously. For what shit have I stayed on and work when you guys don't have enough staff?! This is how you treat your faithful staff?

I wish karma happens on you. I won't be nice to you guys anymore, I can assure you this.

Love, is like wanting something badly enough

Just how badly you want it; how badly you think it's worth it.
Everyone in my life has high worth on its own. However, once disappointment starts all those shits, everything falls back into place.

Many different part of me, but which part is real?

Evaluating your sincerity

Tired die me.
Fuck my workplace, knn never receive my hard earned salary for last month. Fuck the company.

If only I can Google out how you feel & what you want right now

Haven't you once felt like "It would be good if I can google out my answers about this particular person!"

Like why your friend hasn't reply to your text, or how your crush feels about you, or why is this person treats you hot a moment and cold the next, or how this person you've just met thinks about you..

If only we are able to get answers easily and never so unpredictably.

It never fails to get me frustrated when I don't seem to have my 'answers' and I know it's impossible for me to google it out, of course.

Nevertheless, it's irritating that someone completely ignores you and chose not to contact you, and recently trying their best to recontact you again, and went back into silence.

"凭什么说来就来，说走就走。

凭什么连对不起都不说，就以为我会原谅你。

凭什么把我好不容易恢复秩序的生活打乱。"

 Who gives you the rights to come and go as you please? Who gives you the rights to think that I will forgive you every time you apologize? 

Who gives you the rights to disrupt my life that I've put in so much effort in to adjust my life back to normal?

I'm fucked up.

I'm screwed in the very beginning.

I want to know the answers immediately. I've no patience.

Do it like a dude

Posting this via mobile. Went to school with a tummy ache due to fuckingggg menses. *inserts angry face everywhere. There are times when I find being a guy might be better than being a girl; at least there's much more good points.

No need to worry bout pain like giving birth, periods, heartbreaks by jerks they've met, and so much more. At least from what I see, a guy suffers less pain compared to girls.

Nevertheless; FUCK ALL MENSTRUAL!!!

Taking a closer look at yourself

Cheerios. Raise your glasses up, my mates!

"Humans don't really change, it's just that we're taking a closer look at the real side of us.

Through all those pretends, all those cover-ups."

*Controversial.

Hiding the scars well, but you know it's still there- forever.

The worse feeling you'll ever feel is sitting next to the person who means the world to you knowing that you mean nothing to them.

Has been feeling so fucking tired every single day. 

Same routine every week; late for school, sleep in school, work during weekends, planning to chill with friends but never happen at all, sleep all day and watch drama all night. #Nocturnal lifestyle FTW.

 Have you ever wonder life's too short for people who has second thoughts?

I think if you ever have any idea on mind, why not go ahead and do it without spending much time thinking over and over again? Life's short, anyway.

Enjoy life while you can, appreciate it. Love any decisions you make.

I never regret those decisions I've made during these few months.

Though many people will see me differently. If I tell anyone bout my secrets, I doubt they would never look at me at the same way again. But, then again life's too short for regrets.

It's better to be a book that's fully written with difference experiences than a book that's clean and empty.

I mean, what if your life ends the next day and you realize that you've not really experience anything at all in your life before? I believe that would be the time that you'll really regret.

#Don't regret with the decisions you've made in life- even if you have to, sink in and enjoy the feeling of regrets. Enjoy your life and appreciate the outcome of your decisions. Once your mind is set, do it immediately and thoroughly. Regrets are only for the weak-hearted.

Which route to happiness would you take?

 Crazy week I've been through; heartbreaks, swollen eyes due to crying, running away from Tuesday class (sure get a fucking fantastic F), club gone wrong, and obviously meeting up with best friends whom have not meet up for a very long time.

Hell yeahhh, crazy week I must say.

First time walking around aimlessly in a mall with my smeared make up after crying like an asshole in school, though it wasn't the first time crying in school. Felt so pathetic.

Went to watch a movie alone, for the first time. Wanted to watch some horror and just fucking cry in the theater, but ended up watching The Changed Up instead. The feeling of watching a movie alone was beyond description, seriously. Especially it's M18 show, with 2 weird uncles (one @ your right, another @ your left) watching alone. Who knows they got horny or what, right? But I guess it didn't make much difference because I don't really like talking throughout the movie anyway.

Bought a new friend home for companion since I was that sad.

Went to clubbing on Saturday and I fucking misplaced my debit card with someone else's. Screwed. And magically the owner's friend managed to find me on FB, and he happens to be in RP too. Wow. FB does the wonders. And I am so dumb to not know that I wasn't holding my card all along. 

Lesson learnt, never swipe your debit card in a club.

I just pray hard that the guy will return me my card if not need to go through so much procedures to get everything done.

Okay, feeling very lazy right now.

Shall go to bed already, tomorrow's 8.30am lesson. Screwed.

Where do I find the strength and advice I need?

The 'outside world' is suffocating me so badly that I wanna escape from it.

I will make a choice once he's back.

It's between to leave the 'outside world' or to continue staying and suffer.

It depends on his decision- if he keeps his promise, I'll stay.

If not, me leaving would be best for the 4 of us.

Of course, leaving will need me much more strength than you can think. Nevertheless, I do not want to be the problem arising in people's problems again. Being the bitch isn't a glorious thing. I don't ever wanna hurt anyone in any fucking situation.

It's time for me to make a decision and stick to it.

Either way, I'm still getting hurt.

Either way, I still love him.

"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead."

Go with the flow.

Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart

Just how much credibility are there in someone's words?

How do you know whether he/she is trustworthy?

I'm not sure how trustworthy he is, or how much belief I can take his words, but am I wrong if I'm starting to doubt that whatever he promised me isn't out of sincerity in the beginning? 

Is it me who lacks of confidence, or is it me that don't believe someone like him?

What is happiness?

Celebrated SIQI's birthday as well as Sister's day on 25th September.

Vivo for bento lunch that XY's mom prepared for us!

Awesome like it is! ^^

Me with the birthday girl~ 

And I made her take stupid pictures with me; acting as though we are some tourists.

Poor her; Always have to go crazy with me.

And I guess that's the reason why nowadays she rejects me when I jio her for sushi buffet. Cause I've this mad crazy love for sushi; somehow.

Look! I'm a tourist! 

And after, we headed to town!

There's this guy who boarded the train and posed as though he's some super hawt model and I kept snapping his photos. Can't stop laughing.

P/S: Can you see his eyes looking into the camera? ><

After Playnation; Damn I was good in games.

Hahahaha. 

Finally the last one had her birthday and I'm glad we still love each other.

They are the best I ever had since primary school days. 7years and still counting. 

I wonder how they are able to withstand a friend like me for so long and all my nonsense all these while.

^^ Love isn't a word for them; There should be a bigger word than that with deeper meaning for these 3 awesome girls who've been with me- either mentally or physically.

\m/

18TH BIRTHDAY;

Some of you might have been far away from your 18th, and/or some of you might have not reach this very special day. But for mine, it's just 4 months ago and during this short 4 months.. So many things have happened in my life. It's starting to freak me out that I've been experiencing so much stuff during this short period of time.

I fall deeply, become stupid, neglecting most of important things, changing all over, hurting myself and someone else etc etc.

18th.. Definitely the year that I'll remember the most; deeply enough than you can think.

I wonder, do I regret?

It's hard to say, you see.

I'm happy, but I'm afraid that my happiness only comes by for a short period of time.

You know my story, but you won't understand the feelings behind it

Just how much can one person change after one moment?

How much have I changed behind this wall?

How much more am I changing?

Why am I changing?

"All those crazy things you said; All those crazy things we did. Didn't think about it just went with it."

♥

I hate myself for not letting go; I hate myself for falling in so deeply; I hate myself for not having what I can't have; I hate myself for those mistakes we've made that will hurt her; I hate myself for being unreasonable; I hate myself for making myself feel bad; I hate myself for confusing my own self; Most importantly- I hate myself for being myself.

Love you too deeply

Made those mistakes; killed myself with it

&My love will hurt either her or myself

I'm a sinner- I believe I will get my karma one day when I least expected it to come back haunting me.

How do I go on protecting my heart?

Well-hidden; You can never see the tears that flows behind this smile

Ironically, believe.

It's been long since I last updated, and I'm finally back from China.

Many things are changing every single time, who knows what will happen next? I might met with an accident on the road, win a lottery, or even become a lesbian the next minute.

I mean, nobody has the ability to predict the future. &Things are always changing in our lives.

Sadly enough, I have to admit that I falls under the category of people who dislike adapting to changes. Refuse to follow fate, some may say. 

Always remaining in their comfort zone and wishes everyone to give in to them.

I'm a loser, no doubt.

Admit defeated.

-
-

放弃一个爱你的人并不痛苦，放弃一个你爱的人那才痛苦。

即时只能和你站在一起，就能很乐。

当你和我的时候 能够快乐地笑，就很高兴。

只要能和你呼吸同一国的空气，就很幸福。

喜欢一个人就可以那么简单。

但是，你们知道爱却不能爱的痛苦吗..?

就好像回到7岁那年，看到别人有一样宝贝 自己也很想要拥有它，但知道自己不能和别人抢。一但抢了，不知会有多少人流泪。所以就会很想去寻找一个一模一样的宝贝，却才知道 那宝贝是独一无二的限量版，世上只有一个。

拥有，抢夺，放弃 都不是。感觉上就好像根本没有什么选择的路；一张有去无回的单程车票，没有彩排 - 只有现场直播。选择了 就没得挽回。

痛恨为何命运要作弄人- 难道一定要我经历过这种痛 才能成长吗? 憎恨自己为何不现认识你，为何我不是她，为何我不可以。

幸福中带着悲伤/ 快乐中带着眼泪/ 甜蜜中带着心碎/ 美丽中带着破碎

爱情跟人生一样：就像是海里的大浪 永远不知那未知数- 何时浪会落 何时浪又起。

回到原点，请问你们会：伟大得背叛自己的心而放弃心头最爱，还是 不顾一切地伤害另一位战友为了达到目标?

我.. 很想拥有那特别雕制的宝贝；却不想让那位战友落下她不该落的泪。

末个空间的小小我，或许已知道那不为人知的答案，却一直像不成熟的大女孩 拼了老命都要反对； 打死都不想要承认。若他选择的会是我，那他已早就放弃她。若他选择的会是我，那我们早已很幸福。 

但傻乎乎的大女孩，就算被利用 就算最后变成了后盾/救生圈，我相信她也愿意。

甚至还会开心到连连道谢，流着快乐的眼泪...

离开，伤害，等待，逃避；制造机会，顺其自然..

您会这么选择呢?

SIHUI

Wake me up when September ends

Just one more week in Singapore before I head to China.

Me + China = Never ending fate.

-.-

(You'll never understand the pain.)

Try to get myself back on track, though I'm still that girl who's having fun.

Telling myself I must move on, but wavers every single time.

Fucking pussy lor. 

But nevertheless, it's because the feeling for him is so strong that I am able to persuade myself to bear with the pain of moving on/leaving. 

Just want him to be happy with his choice and never get hurt.

Classic line: He happy, I happy lor. 

Lol.

Sadgirl93 needs retail therapy + good food to feel better.

Or at least go to work.. Which is what I'm doing now. Working almost every single day, and hoping got people jio me go dinner after work. LOL. Big hint already lor people..

Be smart!

Craving for XLBs, STEAMBOAT, SUSHI BUFFET, CHICKEN RICE, NASI LEMAK, AYAM PENYET, POPIAH, BEANCURD, BBQ, BUBBLE TEA, MC DONALD'S BREAKFAST, RAMEN..

So who want to jio out to makan with me now?!

P/S: Hope that I can recover soon, but I'm like keep wavering. Maybe I overthink things as usual and only want to believe in what I want to. Sihui, it's time for you to grow up already.

P/S P/S: Knn, this is the first time I'm ever been so mad @ this guy friend of mine. Thank god you were ** if not you sure get uppercut by me. 

First time, take it as ignorance. Second time, take it as forgotten. Third time, take it as impulse. Sorry but that's my limit, you better don't do it the fourth time. It's fucking nb irritating. 

-

Please help me stop it from happening

Went to celebrate Twinnie & Chuxuan's birthday on 26/09/2011 together with Yingzi & Marcus; if I remember the date correctly.

Marche as usual, and I ate the most. Like wtf; why did I eat so much?!

I ate half a chicken and a half pizza.

Growing fat fat already laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~

Not happy that I didn't get to take pictures with Twinnie!

Damned. :(

The 3 of us got our birthday card/wishes together respectively.

^^

I love birthday cards! (Y)

Happygirl93

Twinnie & I shared the pizza; We didn't know that TOMATOES were part of the toppings, and both of us happened to not eat tomatoes. So this what happened to our poor tomato. 

I tried accepting it, really. I ate the tomatoes that were on my first slice, but I really cannot take it anymore.. 

LOL.

---

So other than that, I wanna talk about something today. 

It's a huge yet simple word.. 'Disappointment'.

It's normally mistaken for the true meaning behind this word. 

Disappointment happens only when people/others failed to do whatever you expected them to do. Simply put, you want others to do things your way. 

And if things isn't going as you planned them to be with the default of others, there comes disappointment creeping in.

Everyone has this 'something' in them where they expect someone to be someone they want them to be or to do things their way. They would want to make these people around them to change (for the better), or whatsoever.

I believe that I do have someone in mind, hoping that he/she will change.

But I have to say that I don't do that often. Because I know that, it wouldn't be the same person if he/she changed because I want them to change to whoever/whatever I prefer them to be. I like/love people around me for who they are, if not I wouldn't have keep them around until now. 

Even if they change one day (because they want to), I wouldn't resist the change and try my best to understand them and accept a whole new them.

I am able to do this. And I know it's wrong for me to think that others should be able to do this as well.

Because many people ain't able to accept the 'new' me, yet.

But I want to let those people who are concern and now resisting my changes that I am still me, and I won't lose myself because of these changes. I still love myself, love my family and love my friends.

I hereby want to assure these people who are still reading this little space of mine that I'm alright and I am smart enough to protect myself from all these shit and everything will be fine.

It's not that I have change (for changing) but it's just that I am growing up and stepping out of my teenage life.

It just take a moment for someone to change

Horrifying enough, but it's true.

I've changed. People change, because we've learnt something that we've not in the past. It crafts us into someone we least expected. 

And what we wished for after our change, is that our beloved friends & family will still be able to accept us.

-

Okay. On Thursday, headed to MS kbox with Ahni and co. because it was Michael's last day.

Partied all night. 

I've learnt 2 things that night. Lol, but I am only able to tell you one of them; billiard.

I think I'm the worse student ever! Kelvin had difficulties teaching me and I guess his blood was boiling at certain point of time. Zzz.

Please take a look @ my legs right now.. Have ya noticed my bruises??

God! The next morn when I woke up, whole stretch of both my legs are covered with bruises. At least 5 on each. No joke. This isn't funny anymore. I even have one on my left thumb, and one each on both my hands.

And then here comes the magic.

LO & BEHOLD!

-

-

-

I swear I wasn't drunk before this.

But hey, at least I still know how to protect myself after all this shit. Look, I'm crossing my leg.

FYI, I was wearing skirt that day. :)

AND! Most importantly I zipped up my jacket hor!

Protect myself from zao geng-ing. (Y)

When I saw these photos being uploaded on FB, all that went through my mind was "DID I FUCKING CB VOMIT ON THE FUCKING FLOOR?!" & "HOW THE FUCK DID I WENT HOME AFTER ALL THIS SHIT?!"

Okay, chill people. I was fine.

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

Okay, maybe this isn't extreme enough right???

Of course there will be more exciting one~

That little cute head is me.

I am really wondering if I puked on the floor.. See that shiny part at the top left hand corner??

WTF TTM. 

Totally got myself wasted that night. 

Hey, Martell + Vodka + Beer okay? -.-

Don't start cursing me or scolding me on my stupidity yet.

I've reasons to this though it's really pretty dumb and what's not.

--

Watching the clock ticking right now, I felt so numb.

Wanting to get my ass out of this mess I've caused myself but it only seems like I'm giving myself more excuses to continue on.

Moving on isn't as simple as you think, especially when you've fallen this hard.

I ain't dumb, I know what's going on.

But I'm helpless when it comes to you right now.

Controversial enough for me.

Screaming inside my head, hot tears rolling down my fat cheeks.

There's a reason why. And the reason is you.

I'm well fucked.

*Not literally la. -.-

Nobody ever made me feel this way

Wednesday seems to be very happening, every time. ^^v

In the afternoon went back to school for photoshoot, and I'd already load hella lots of make up at home, and when I reached there, they still fucking put on more make up on me.

Macham like wayang already lor.

Then at night went to Ahni's house for barbeque + steamboat.

Made a mess in her kitchen cause I suck at cooking. :P

But when we're starting to eat, I felt so tired as thought I can sleep while eating. No joke.

-----

I'm a hardcore pussy. Damn it.

I'm too fickle-minded already, I think. Whatever you've told me on Tuesday night.. I really want to do it, but fear starts to creep in on me. I am most willing to, but I'm afraid that that day will never come, and I'll just be waiting in vain.

I wanted to move on (tho it's hard), but then again I don't want myself to regret.

Let's say you're in love with someone, you'll start to imagine/picture the both of you together in the future, or somewhere along that line, don't you?

But it seems like I can never picture us together. More like I can't see future in us.

Yet, I'm still holding on, and willing to wait like a pussy.

I don't know what I want right now.

Y'know, those mixed feelings gushing to my brain.. It's sick.

Whatever. I just have to make sure that I don't have any high expectations from him.

At least I won't get hurt this way.

I doubt that my heart can take it any longer.

I'm waiting outside the lines

Fuck yeah! Year 2 Sem 1 classmates <3

This coming Monday would be the last lesson with this group of awesome people.

At first I thought I wouldn't have this weird feeling inside me when 15weeks are over with them. You can tell that I've change to very nonchalant this semester. I don't come to school on time (late every single day), I don't do my work unless I feel like it (prolly only once?), I don't even listen in class and sleep everyday.

I guess I was wrong. I do miss them.

---

I know I am pretty dumb, people asked me to move on; I'll find someone better; he's not worth it.. I heard more of this. But right now I can't. At least not now. Fall too deeply, can't pull myself out.

Yes, admit that we're still text-ing each other, and going out as usual.

I am like addicted to his smell that lingers on me.

(I'm sucha loser right?)

His inconsistency brings my emotions up and down, just like riding on a rollercoaster.

He can make me feel loved for once, and yet bring me down at times.

I'm just likka kid that's waiting for a stranger to buy me sweets. The probability of getting it is really slim, yet I am still waiting earnestly. Aiya, simply dumb lor. 

Love is blind what.

P/S: Been really addicted to Tetris even though I suck balls on it. -.-

I am more stupid than anyone else

Okay, update you guys alright? Though it isn't something worth celebratin'.

First time confessing to a guy whom I really like. I've no idea why I like him in the first place, really. He's so complicated, and we're so fucking different. I guess I liked how we spend time together, and how nice he treats me, even if it's just sister-brotherly feel.

Yea, got rejected cause he wants to be single for the time being.

My decision right now? I just wanna stick around and be there for him whenever I can. I don't really want anything in return, it's alright even if he makes use of me. Even if he just treat me as a friend/sister, it doesn't matter. That's how hard I've fell, and how difficult it is for me to turn back, period. 

 Wanna thank him for not avoiding me and still concern bout me.

That's what I am feeding on right now.

I was thinking bout working @thai club as waitress (apparently I told him bout it), and he asked me not to because it's really dangerous.

Although prolly it's just concern bout a friend, I'm thankful enough already.

No matter how bad he might be, how different we are, and how complicated his love/relationship life is, I've fell into this pit and just wanna stick around him, even if he treats me as a friend.

P/S: When is iPhone5 be coming out siaaaaaa!

*Abruptly ending this, but the whole story is that I like a guy, my first time confessing to someone, he rejected me, I am sad but I'm still willing to be there for him.

THE END. Silly me.

P/S P/S: LOVE BEGINS WITH A SMILE, GROWS WITH A KISS, AND ENDS WITH A TEARDROP.
Strangely enough, even though we aren't together, I've been through this whole thing.
The curse of love. Stupid cupid please aim your arrows properly can or not?

You reap what you sow, bitch!

Those sweet talking of yours like just killed me on the spot.

Comforting yet enough to torture me thoroughly.

Tormented till very end, that's what you get for starting the 'game'.

To be honest, I never thought I would be falling into the pit. I really disliked ## in the first place, and thought it would be fun to get you pwned.

But right now, I'm gamed.

I think this is what you call it- karma & "You reap what you sow".

GG-FIED.

Falling in this pit which I dug it supposedly for you to ended up in.

How I wish I am not like this.

爱，请问这么走？

烦啊。

真的陷进去了。心想，我这次是这么了？

真的喜欢你吗？还是那只是一种习惯呢？

认识真正的你后，认识了别人看不到的那一面后，我。。好像变得不像我自己了。

天天守候着，天天想念着，天天期盼着。

爱一个人，不需要任何的理由。喜欢上了，就是喜欢。

我知道这份爱不会得到很多的祝福，但。。我最后还是爱上了。

没有人是会明白或体谅的。

我。。 不能肯定你是否也像我一样。

虽然你嘴上不说，但就连别人都感觉得到你在吃醋。

你的反反复复，让我觉得自己就好像坐上了过山车似的。

我讨厌这种感觉。

想要好好地隐藏这份情，但一天一天过得太难受了。

想要告诉你，但我却没有那份勇气。

不知道自己应该做什么，该前进还是该离开。

Love is like sitting on a roller coaster, you are unable to get down in the middle of the ride.

Crying because I've been strong for too long

"BEST FRIENDS SHOULD LEARN TO LOVE, CARE, BE UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTING EACH OTHER FOR WHO THEY ARE"

And, I am still learning to do so.

Agree that I was never a good friend to begin with. I don't think I've done a lot for my friends, not enough.

I just wanna say that friendship is only once in a lifetime. Just like the current, it will never reverse back in any point of time. 

True friendship will survive through any harsh quarrels, and still able to love each other through any ups and downs.

Have you heard before- when people hangs out more often than usual and have conflicts once in awhile, the relationship will no longer be as expected? True friendship doesn't go that way. 

There's still so much for me to learn- how to treasure genuine friendships.

But it can never work if it's only me (one-sidedly) playing the part. Like I said, IT TAKES TWO HANDS TO CLAP. One way effort brings you to no where. I can't do it alone. 

We are going to hurt each other once in awhile, but it won't matter if our friendship is genuine.

TBH, I can't handle friends with strong believes (esp. in christianity), truth is I don't make friends or label them as best friends if they are one. Fact is I can never communicate with them. But, I still have friends who are la, just that we ain't best friends.

If you're reading this, all I want you to know is, the reason why I had to say all those to let you know is what I understand & experienced before, and I don't want you to end up like most of my friends. I don't want myself reading newspaper one day in the morning and read bout scams and knowing you're one of their victims.

I know you will say yours would never, or it's okay. But then again, who knows? You can never be 100% sure of anything. It's better be safe than sorry especially when it's about commitments, time and money. Neither would I hope you to turn out to be like them (character wise), telling me that I will burn in hell after death, telling me that I should go there to get all my sins washed away or so that there won't be pain and sufferings. I don't want you to be like them; advising people to go there to to get their problems solved.

You can always believe in Jesus, by all means.

But don't get so involve/obsessed that everything is bout him. Your life belongs to you.

TBH, this is the very first time I got so mad to the extent where I will quarrel with someone bout this. I guess I was too overprotective towards you, doesn't want you to turn out to be most people I know who was a non-believer, went there once and totally obsessed with it. It's not about religion or your god, but the people there.

Truth is, I was disappointed at first too. 

I thought friends should be there to listen to your problems; lending a shoulder to lean on.

I don't expect you to give me advice or solutions to my problems. Because at the end of the day, I am the only one facing it, and be the one solving it. I just needed someone to be there and listen to things happening around me.

Lastly, I believe that we are only young once, you can never turn back time.

In 20 years time, I don't want to see myself regretting what I've not done back then.

I want to go out and have fun now, when I'm still young.

Promise I won't go overboard, I just want to do things that when I'm 40 years old looking back when I was younger, I would be able to swear upon that I've done lots of things and gain loads of experiences, of course and have much fun I could.

I don't want see myself regretting at the age of 40, neither do I want you to regret at that age too.

You can just take me down with a single blow

Guys only treasure you when they see you as a challenge.

The harder the challenge is, the more they want to conquer you.

-

There's no such thing as perfect lover.

I'm starting to lose faith in guys. No joke, guys. Shall wait till a guy that will shows real good sincerity towards me. 

Calling me in the middle of the night, won't make me go back to you. Texting me sweet words, won't make me fall for it. 

I'm just not ready to be tied down with commitments yet, to be honest.

^^

My guy will need to accept me for being a girl who likes nightlife and drinking.

Too bad lor.

Or you wait till I lose that group of drinking buddies lor.

Okay, I've no idea what to blog about now. -.-

Anyway, having MA test tomorrow. I think.. GG liao luh!

@.@ 

Oh well.

Goodnight everybody!

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I go back to December, turn around and make it alright

I go back to December all the time 

Just not good enough for anything and anyone

世界上就有那么多的男男女女，我却一直找不到那个对的人。

一次次的错过，一次次的伤害。

我还能相信爱情，相信你，或者相信我自己吗？

I want a serious relationship, but I am still not prepared yet.

I do not want to hurt you or let you wait for nothing in the end. Neither do I want to get myself hurt one day.

I know I will if we start anything right now.

I've no confidence bout where this will lead us to. There's just so much differences between us that it might be a burden, maybe just for me.

Do you understand that kind of feeling?

Wanting to get involve in the r/s but yet taken aback by some unknown reasons.

It sucks big time.

I might remain like this till the very end.

Nevermind; OLD VIRGIN FTW! <3

Keep forgetting to forget about you

Okay huns!

Pardon for using overdue photos instead because too lazy/no time for photos.

Yes babes, I am drastically gaining fucking weight.

I EAT WAY TOO MUCH.

Good appetite, jealous? NO! Fuck the weight I am gaining.

Stress + Food + Lack of sleep = Totally the symptoms of majorly gaining weight

#FML #FML #FML #FML #FML

I've been spending way too much money this month.

Shopping, Online, Drinking, Food, Miscellaneous, Entertainment..

Note to everybody* Today is only 19th July, and I'm this broke. 3more weeks to payday.

GG, I can just go ahead and kill myself already.

-

So now you know why I don't have a boyfriend, bitches?

I AM FAT + POOR + UGLY.

Can y'all stop questioning me like a criminal why I ain't have a boyfriend?

Since I'm so fat, so poor, and so ugly.. where got guys let me flirt.

Enough is enough.

Missin' my old hair.

I think I might go to the salon again during September holidays.

Probably re-dye the color since Kaykay say my hair color like fade away (after the diy dye). Knn, like an angry bird bout the dye. -.- 

I guess I would be chionging 2jobs during the holidays. 

If only we could find the job in the first place.

I would, why not?

I might even looking for another job where I can work @ night, or something.

Becoming a total chiongster. -.-

Alright, now chiong to study for tomorrow's test. #FML, big time.

Cause I remember every word that you said
It all just keeps on spinning in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
-
And I don't want to think about you baby so much
All the things we didn't know the way that we touched
Just when I think about someone new
I keep on forgetting to forget about you

You're toxic, and I'm slipping under

或许我是一个很爱玩的女生，但是每当我在玩的时候，受伤的往往是我自己。

我把真实和虚构混合在一起。

想要耍别人，但最后输的人却是我自己。

或许我是不能给任何人有稍微的安全感，但当我受伤时，人人却只会责怪我傻。

真心付出的我，却只能让别人像这样的耍。

我。。太花心了，期待得也太多了。

最后只有我一个人在伤心，一个人承受这一切。

就也只能责怪自己太不懂事了。

我真的。。太相信别人并不会伤害我，相信输的人永远不会是我，是真的太相信你们了。

现在受伤的只有我一个人，心里会有这一道疤。

却没有人能拯救我的。

傻傻的，眼睁睁的，让你给耍了。我完蛋了。

已经太迟了。不能回头了。惨了，没救了。

你赢了。

是的，大家都是出来玩的。

但是我却被将了一局。永远都挽回不了了。已经太迟了。

你也只能让我被受到伤害。

应为你根本不能给我任何我要的，我需要的东西。你只能眼睁睁的让我陷下去，让我被受到伤害，让我伤得更深。你却永远都不属于我。

想要赢你，让你陷进我的圈套。。

但，是我被你的圈套给捞捞得勒住。

我现在就像是你的傀儡，被你的情绪给音响到了。

我。。惨了。