爱，请问这么走？

烦啊。

真的陷进去了。心想，我这次是这么了？

真的喜欢你吗？还是那只是一种习惯呢？

认识真正的你后，认识了别人看不到的那一面后，我。。好像变得不像我自己了。

天天守候着，天天想念着，天天期盼着。

爱一个人，不需要任何的理由。喜欢上了，就是喜欢。

我知道这份爱不会得到很多的祝福，但。。我最后还是爱上了。

没有人是会明白或体谅的。

我。。 不能肯定你是否也像我一样。

虽然你嘴上不说，但就连别人都感觉得到你在吃醋。

你的反反复复，让我觉得自己就好像坐上了过山车似的。

我讨厌这种感觉。

想要好好地隐藏这份情，但一天一天过得太难受了。

想要告诉你，但我却没有那份勇气。

不知道自己应该做什么，该前进还是该离开。

Love is like sitting on a roller coaster, you are unable to get down in the middle of the ride.

Crying because I've been strong for too long

"BEST FRIENDS SHOULD LEARN TO LOVE, CARE, BE UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTING EACH OTHER FOR WHO THEY ARE"

And, I am still learning to do so.

Agree that I was never a good friend to begin with. I don't think I've done a lot for my friends, not enough.

I just wanna say that friendship is only once in a lifetime. Just like the current, it will never reverse back in any point of time. 

True friendship will survive through any harsh quarrels, and still able to love each other through any ups and downs.

Have you heard before- when people hangs out more often than usual and have conflicts once in awhile, the relationship will no longer be as expected? True friendship doesn't go that way. 

There's still so much for me to learn- how to treasure genuine friendships.

But it can never work if it's only me (one-sidedly) playing the part. Like I said, IT TAKES TWO HANDS TO CLAP. One way effort brings you to no where. I can't do it alone. 

We are going to hurt each other once in awhile, but it won't matter if our friendship is genuine.

TBH, I can't handle friends with strong believes (esp. in christianity), truth is I don't make friends or label them as best friends if they are one. Fact is I can never communicate with them. But, I still have friends who are la, just that we ain't best friends.

If you're reading this, all I want you to know is, the reason why I had to say all those to let you know is what I understand & experienced before, and I don't want you to end up like most of my friends. I don't want myself reading newspaper one day in the morning and read bout scams and knowing you're one of their victims.

I know you will say yours would never, or it's okay. But then again, who knows? You can never be 100% sure of anything. It's better be safe than sorry especially when it's about commitments, time and money. Neither would I hope you to turn out to be like them (character wise), telling me that I will burn in hell after death, telling me that I should go there to get all my sins washed away or so that there won't be pain and sufferings. I don't want you to be like them; advising people to go there to to get their problems solved.

You can always believe in Jesus, by all means.

But don't get so involve/obsessed that everything is bout him. Your life belongs to you.

TBH, this is the very first time I got so mad to the extent where I will quarrel with someone bout this. I guess I was too overprotective towards you, doesn't want you to turn out to be most people I know who was a non-believer, went there once and totally obsessed with it. It's not about religion or your god, but the people there.

Truth is, I was disappointed at first too. 

I thought friends should be there to listen to your problems; lending a shoulder to lean on.

I don't expect you to give me advice or solutions to my problems. Because at the end of the day, I am the only one facing it, and be the one solving it. I just needed someone to be there and listen to things happening around me.

Lastly, I believe that we are only young once, you can never turn back time.

In 20 years time, I don't want to see myself regretting what I've not done back then.

I want to go out and have fun now, when I'm still young.

Promise I won't go overboard, I just want to do things that when I'm 40 years old looking back when I was younger, I would be able to swear upon that I've done lots of things and gain loads of experiences, of course and have much fun I could.

I don't want see myself regretting at the age of 40, neither do I want you to regret at that age too.

You can just take me down with a single blow

Guys only treasure you when they see you as a challenge.

The harder the challenge is, the more they want to conquer you.

-

There's no such thing as perfect lover.

I'm starting to lose faith in guys. No joke, guys. Shall wait till a guy that will shows real good sincerity towards me. 

Calling me in the middle of the night, won't make me go back to you. Texting me sweet words, won't make me fall for it. 

I'm just not ready to be tied down with commitments yet, to be honest.

^^

My guy will need to accept me for being a girl who likes nightlife and drinking.

Too bad lor.

Or you wait till I lose that group of drinking buddies lor.

Okay, I've no idea what to blog about now. -.-

Anyway, having MA test tomorrow. I think.. GG liao luh!

@.@ 

Oh well.

Goodnight everybody!

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I go back to December, turn around and make it alright

I go back to December all the time 

Just not good enough for anything and anyone

世界上就有那么多的男男女女，我却一直找不到那个对的人。

一次次的错过，一次次的伤害。

我还能相信爱情，相信你，或者相信我自己吗？

I want a serious relationship, but I am still not prepared yet.

I do not want to hurt you or let you wait for nothing in the end. Neither do I want to get myself hurt one day.

I know I will if we start anything right now.

I've no confidence bout where this will lead us to. There's just so much differences between us that it might be a burden, maybe just for me.

Do you understand that kind of feeling?

Wanting to get involve in the r/s but yet taken aback by some unknown reasons.

It sucks big time.

I might remain like this till the very end.

Nevermind; OLD VIRGIN FTW! <3

Keep forgetting to forget about you

Okay huns!

Pardon for using overdue photos instead because too lazy/no time for photos.

Yes babes, I am drastically gaining fucking weight.

I EAT WAY TOO MUCH.

Good appetite, jealous? NO! Fuck the weight I am gaining.

Stress + Food + Lack of sleep = Totally the symptoms of majorly gaining weight

#FML #FML #FML #FML #FML

I've been spending way too much money this month.

Shopping, Online, Drinking, Food, Miscellaneous, Entertainment..

Note to everybody* Today is only 19th July, and I'm this broke. 3more weeks to payday.

GG, I can just go ahead and kill myself already.

-

So now you know why I don't have a boyfriend, bitches?

I AM FAT + POOR + UGLY.

Can y'all stop questioning me like a criminal why I ain't have a boyfriend?

Since I'm so fat, so poor, and so ugly.. where got guys let me flirt.

Enough is enough.

Missin' my old hair.

I think I might go to the salon again during September holidays.

Probably re-dye the color since Kaykay say my hair color like fade away (after the diy dye). Knn, like an angry bird bout the dye. -.- 

I guess I would be chionging 2jobs during the holidays. 

If only we could find the job in the first place.

I would, why not?

I might even looking for another job where I can work @ night, or something.

Becoming a total chiongster. -.-

Alright, now chiong to study for tomorrow's test. #FML, big time.

Cause I remember every word that you said
It all just keeps on spinning in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
-
And I don't want to think about you baby so much
All the things we didn't know the way that we touched
Just when I think about someone new
I keep on forgetting to forget about you

You're toxic, and I'm slipping under

或许我是一个很爱玩的女生，但是每当我在玩的时候，受伤的往往是我自己。

我把真实和虚构混合在一起。

想要耍别人，但最后输的人却是我自己。

或许我是不能给任何人有稍微的安全感，但当我受伤时，人人却只会责怪我傻。

真心付出的我，却只能让别人像这样的耍。

我。。太花心了，期待得也太多了。

最后只有我一个人在伤心，一个人承受这一切。

就也只能责怪自己太不懂事了。

我真的。。太相信别人并不会伤害我，相信输的人永远不会是我，是真的太相信你们了。

现在受伤的只有我一个人，心里会有这一道疤。

却没有人能拯救我的。

傻傻的，眼睁睁的，让你给耍了。我完蛋了。

已经太迟了。不能回头了。惨了，没救了。

你赢了。

是的，大家都是出来玩的。

但是我却被将了一局。永远都挽回不了了。已经太迟了。

你也只能让我被受到伤害。

应为你根本不能给我任何我要的，我需要的东西。你只能眼睁睁的让我陷下去，让我被受到伤害，让我伤得更深。你却永远都不属于我。

想要赢你，让你陷进我的圈套。。

但，是我被你的圈套给捞捞得勒住。

我现在就像是你的傀儡，被你的情绪给音响到了。

我。。惨了。

This kitten got your tongue tied in knots

If you are one of those who wanna see me cry because of all your nonsense. Here you go.

Got teary enough or not? I tried my best to do so already :|

-

It takes two hands to clap.

You wouldn't be happy when you see a girl and a guy flirting with each other; either you're jealous or you like that guy. But put yourself in every girls' shoes, when a guy flirts with you.. will you not flirt back?

I don't mean I flirt with every guy I know/see. But maybe to my guy friends? 

Serious enough, I don't flirt with guys who has girlfriend. So.. I don't get why I am getting all those critics and shits from all you bitches. Ain't like I'm flirting with a guy you like, or your boyfriend.

You guys aren't even together yet you're starting to get so possessive. Over what siol?

I do have to admit, I flirt back when guys I'm familiar.

(P.S/ I don't sai-nai. For whoever who say I'm acting cute with my voice, PUHLEASE. I'm not that free for things like that..) But not to the extend of able to make them like/love me. I am not that capable enough.

Tyvm if you think I am so capable to attract guys just by flirting.

I agree that I am quite open-minded. I'm alright with guys whom I'm close with.

I'm okay with telling MY CLOSE FRIENDS (girls + guys) about everything. Like how many times I've shitted today, what's my shit color, my very personal stuffs.. etc.

That only apply if I really treasure you like a good friend. No joke. :)

I don't get why my social circle has to do with these bitches who have to degrade me and start spreading rumors about me and my guy friends. Doing such will only make us becoming awkward. Being awkward, then we'll talk lesser to each other.. meaning I will lose a friend.

So stop being a beeotch! Get a life.

Stop being a jealous pot.

It's alright for being conservative yourself. But.. it's not nice to control people's action.

My life does not belongs to you. Just take good care of your own life.

My life belongs to me. Not yours.

 SUCK ON YOUR THUMBS AND GET A LIFE INSTEAD OF CONTROLLING MINE.

You're just a friend of mine.

I won't change just because of you, dude.

<3 PEACE OUT.

Party crasher, Penny snatcher

Hey peeps!

Tryna rant a bit here and there @ this moment. TMD. Y'all should know that first impression counts and will linger on till the very end. I like people telling me about their first impression about me, but! I really ended up hating it, quite a lot. They would ask questions like:

#1: Are you NOT LOCAL?/ Where are you from?

#2: You Chao-Ah-Lian right?

Urgh! People thinks I am from China. Do I look so cheena to ya gaise? SERIOUSLY.

:( And, what chao ah lian? I am a typical good girl, no joke.

I am not so immature, tyvm.

-

Next, I think girls should be exposed to nightlife once awhile. So that they can learn things as they grow up. Of course, you'll need to be at legal age la.

Going to clubs/pubs/bars won't make you a slut, it just depends on how you present yourself. If you act like a total bitch, then you wouldn't be treated respectfully. Simple as that.

Girls should learn how to drink, like serious.

So that when a guy who's scheming to make you drunk, it will be practically a waste of time & effort.

Girls need to know how to play smart and don't act dumb! Acting drunk won't get you to anywhere, unless you really want guys to rape you or something. 

I'm very curious so I'll ask my girls friend whether they would want to go club or drink one day or not.

But a handful of them would tell me, "I would never drink in my life." or "I will never enter a place like this cause I really hate it to the core."

They have many considerations, and I believe that they think before acting more than I do. Serious. You can ask me to go for a drink during a weekday and most likely I'll agree to it.

I respect their decision/mindset. 

I believe that they are good girls and really don't like the place.

But nevertheless, I think "Never" is a very strong word. 

Many things are hard to say, things can and will change. Mostly things won't go as they way we wanted it or planned. You can't plan your life. Life ain't The Sims.

Why don't you try something new since you're young only once?

Just make sure you don't go overboard or get addict like one crazy woman, I guess it's fine.

Girls.. should know their drinking limits also.

-.-

Have you seen girls on the streets vomiting late at night, or shouting in the middle of the night?

I have, a lot of times. 

Spend some time to have fun, but also love yourself and learn how to protect yourself.

Just my two cents worth.

Moments like this should be shared with you♥

Okay, hai people.

I think I am sober now already.

Skipped school because I was super ultra late, and partly because last night was disaster.

Went drinking with colleagues again.

If you're still under peer pressure, you're so over already. Now the new trend; Colleague pressure.

(Okay, was just being random!)

Got a bit more tipsy than usual even though I didn't drink as much compared to the last I drank.

*I'm starting to think that I drink too much already! God. Someone should just kill me now.

So basically, I skipped school (not letting my parents know about it and I am feeling guilty like nobody's business. BECAUSE. I. LIED. YOU. BITCH!), and then I went to see a doctor @Polyclinic which took me like the whole morning and the doctor prescribe wrong medicine for me. God! Please save that doctor, tyvm.

I didn't tell him that I was having flu, I went to see him because of my rash that got infected or something. I don't know la. I think that doctor drunk or something! I wasn't having flu, neither did I mention anything about running nose. -.- Seriously.

Then I headed back to school (which is dumb), just to retrieve my password back. I lost it twice. Shall not explain further if not this post will be like an essay-long. -.- So now I am still in school, but I'm gonna head out to town to workplace, go there sing song and slack. (Y)

BUT I AM STILL FEELING LOUSY NOW. Splitting headache, itchy rashes, hideous finger nail...

Just in need of someone to save me, somehow.

MY SWEET ESCAPE♥

[Edited] - I wonder what I did last night... I have bruises on my legs and body, my lips cracked, and I think I hit something against my mouth that it causes it to be swollen; inside my lips.

Party like it's end of the world ♥

(Look @ my gu niang hair. (Y) Like some 'chun gu' : village woman)

First time to party on 6/7/2011. It's ladies night, baby!

Went with Ahni, Aldi, Jason, and Ah chengzx, and then there's the rest whom I've no clue who they are.
Kaykay should be there with me! ;( But oh well, there's always next time.
Wait till you're 18 babe! \m/

First we went HW, where the guitarists are all-so-handsome! God! Fainting.
And I'd a method where you can get the performers there to talk to you. I ain't sharing! :D In my case, there was this guy who was singing on the stage, and he talked to me! He very handsome too.

I kept on losing in games- even just playing scissors-paper-stone, the most classic game!
But don't play play okay, my drinking was better than those two guys last night hao bu hao? Both drunk like nobody's business. Sibei funny siol~ I can laugh at for months just by thinking bout it. :P

Then we went second round @ Titanium. I realize it's more boring there. It's more packed there, and I realize there's more guys than girls. Why har? -.-
I broke glasses there, like one dui lian (throw face).
People thought I was drunk or something. But it's cause the place very packed can?

Went home late, bathed and slept for bout 2hours?? And went for school already. TIRED.BITCH.

-
The aftermath of partying last night? RASHES. Fml!
I don't understand why I will have rashes after that day. I didn't drink something I am allergic to what. Those alcoholic stuff I'd drink before and I didn't had any rashes.
Aiya, don't know leyzx.
IT IS VERY ITCHY THOUGH. FUCKING ITCHY.
I wanna scratch so badly.

Itchy itchy, scratchy scatchy
Up and down, my body body

*Abruptly leaving this post to watch 2ne1 Live on youtube.

Take me to where you are, a place with moon and stars

Whassup gaise! :D

I FUCKING DYED MY HAIR MYSELF AT HOME JUST NOW AFTER SPENDING MONEY FEW WEEKS AGO IN A SALON TO DYE + CUT MY HAIR. 

#FML.

But in the end, still failed. The colour ain't obvious, again.

Just an advice to people out there, NEVER. DYE. YOUR. HAIR. BACK. TO. BLACK. NO. MATTER. HOW. PEOPLE. ARE. FORCING. YOU. TO. You'll regret for your whole life like me.

Insist not to, even if someone puts a knife to your throat.

Your hair will never pick up any colour (obvious) once you dyed your hair black.

Just like mine. My hair is screwed.

 Nevertheless, I tried dyeing my hair with Liese.

Wanted to try yellow brown, but in the end I got orange brown because I am someone with no guts at all. Hahahahaha! Don't laugh at me, you ass.

Had a difficult time with doing it myself. -.- Screwed up, man! But it didn't stink as much as other brands of dye. (Y) I left it for 50 minutes, and the outcome is ... not much changes. God! Someone please save my hair! ;(

-

I like guys with strong, charismatic eyes! I like guys with STYLE! I like guys who can sing/rap! I like guys who smile cutely! I like guys with bad boy image but is an instant good boyfriend!

Craving for some TOP & GD moment!

CHIONG. TO. YOUTUBE. NOW!~ ;D

Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday

GOOD. MORNING. EVERY. BODY!!

July is just the beginning peeps! 

Time passes damn quickly this year as well. It seems like I've not enjoy enough. And counting from the last, I've been single for close to a year. Many asked me why I don't get myself involve in a relationship. Someone even asked if I'd converted into a lesbian. Lin lao hia! !@#$%^&* LOL ><

To tell the truth, who doesn't want a boyfriend who can spend his time with you, and be there for you???

Of course I do, singlehood has been close to a year already. Making some changes won't be that bad, I know. I know, really.

But, it doesn't mean I want it means I want it.

Because of past relationships, you'll be taunted by those hurtful memories. You overthink about the future, what will happen if I hurt that guy because of my past, what happens to us if we ended the r/s- will we still able to become friends again etc.

I still fall in love, but.. I lost all courage bout starting a r/s. It's not as easy as it sounds like. You need time, commitments, and the preparation of ditching your friends because of him.

I don't have any of those. I need to go to school, go for work, visit grandfather every week. I can't commit since I've no time. I love my friends, I'd made the wrong move by ditching friends for my guy. 

And lastly, you'll need to find that right guy confessing to you.

That's the most difficult part. &No one has taught/know who is exactly the 'right guy'. You might think that he's the right guy for you, but does he feels that way too? Who knows when he might lost interest in you, and start cheating and lying bout it? What if he's a huge flirt and you can't handle it anymore? What if he hits you, and uses vulgarities when he's mad at you? What if we can't last long? What if he found someone better than you? What iF comparison starts to get involve in the r/s? What if regrets creep in?

What I know is that everything will end, someday.

R/s is one of the hardest to handle after it ends. You miss the important person in your life, you miss the time you guys spend together, the places you visit, and the memories that will keep on haunting you.

You start, you hurt. You end, you hurt. You'll get hurt as long as you start a r/s. 

It will still be a scar when you get over it and move on.

But those scars are beautiful. It makes you stronger independently, but it created another fence for you to jump over to start a new r/s.

P/S: THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO THOSE WHO DOESN'T TAKE R/S SERIOUSLY. :)