FML TYVM

I hate myself.

If you do not know, I have an ugly past. Really ugly; You wouldn't know that I am that kinda person if I don't tell ya. I'm trying my very best to hide and conceal it. Perfectly without flaws. But recently, I just can't stop myself from thinking bout it. I am very ashamed. Many things that even my bffs doesn't know about it. I have never tell.

It's really uncountable. Till the extent where I can never start anew in my life anymore.

People can't understand, people who are expecting so much from me when I can't give them anything at all (regardless of friends, families and the you-know-whos).

To be honest, I'm still in the 'market', there's still people who likes me.. but I can never cross over to that line where I feel that I'm worth accepting the r/s. I can't even bring myself to confess to that guy I really like.

I dislike how people wanna me to be how they expect me to be.

Like how people expect me to be serious with them all the time because they've fucking no life and cannot take jokes, or people who expect me to do things for them..

Do you understand? Nah, cause you ain't me. You don't understand what I've been through and what's my past like. Cause y'all people have been living a good life; big house, family cars, no worries bout $$ etc etc.

Every scary memories of mine started since when I was only Primary 1. Just tell me, what kinda life were you having when all my nightmares have started? Playing with toy cars, or barbie dolls?

Or prolly it's my horoscope- Gemini. Who loves to play around; which most of the starsign cannot comprehend.

I think I'm not a good friend, or was a good girlfriend at all.

Guess I should just stay @ home and never leave the house, so that I won't socialize with any human being, or ending up hurting anyone that will appear in my life.

I know you hate me too.

Because even I hate myself, how much can you like me?

I don't expect people to give in to me or to pity me, but why can't people be more understanding?

How I wish there's someone who can listen to my story bout my past and yet still accept me for who I am. But someone like that is seriously hard to find, not even the closest friends. How would they look @ you when everything is being told?

Gentle reminder; Don't judge a book by its cover.

Expectations will only lead to regret in your life.

Having regrets is equal to leaving a stain in your life.